Liz Dawes finds herself starting the New Year as a fully fledged adult

With the New Year comes a new start.  My divorce is finally through, and I’m now officially a single woman.  For the first time in years I own a house that is just mine, with a scary sized mortgage attached, relying on an income that only I earn.  It’s both disconcerting and empowering – but I’m happy with how things have turned out.  However daunting it is to be the sole bread winner, I’m quite proud of being able to keep it all together.  If no one is looking, I might even do the Spice Girls Girl Power Face.  Oh yeah.

The thing is that to date I’ve tried not to be too responsible.  The idea of maturity and sensibleness is rather a turn-off – I prefer balancing along a muddy wall in my wellies to marching down a corridor in a suit.  But as I look around my home, the one that is happily ALL MINE, I have to confess that I am, in fact, a bit of a grown up.

Adulthood reaches us all in the end.  My coming of age has arrived not just in the form of single home owning – in fact I’ve distilled it into a list.  I firmly believe that, having acquired what is on it, my extended childhood is at an end. This list is what you absolutely need to be a Proper Grown Ass Woman:

1. A home, and all that sensibly goes with it: mortgage, insurance, utilities that you actually understand, and a will.  (I’ve totally nailed this one).
2. One very smart suit with matching shoes and bag, and a proper wooden hanger to hang it on.  (There will come a time when you actually have to BE the grown up you are impersonating, and to do that you need the right outfit.)
3. A handbag you love so much you want to stroke it, and a purse you’re not embarrassed to take out, wherever you are.
4. A filing system and a safe.  (No more scattered paperwork – you aren’t revising for A levels.  There is a world of pain ahead of you if you lose some of this stuff.)
5. A bra that has been properly fitted and knickers that don’t disappear up your butt, or cause VPL.
6. A tool kit and a drill.  You can’t pay a handyman every time you buy a new picture, so it’s time to man up and know the difference between a Philips and Slot Head screw driver.  (I totally did not just google “types of screwdriver head” to write that sentence. Ahem.)  Oh and it needs to contain a plunger too.  (Small boy, entire loo roll, £190 emergency plumber at midnight.  Let’s just leave it there.)
7. Some kind of first aid kit – plasters, antiseptic cream, aloe vera gel, a bandage, gauze, sharp scissors, paracetamol.  These should all be at your disposal.  (Otherwise you will regret it the moment they are needed…)
8. A proper smart winter coat with matching gloves and a natty-but-cosy scarf. (For reasons, see no 2. Also, I’m just too old to shiver for the sake of fashion.)
9. A pension.  (I know.  SO dull.  But you don’t want to be a penniless grandma so get it sorted.)
10. A few utterly reliable friends on speed dial, who you know will babysit your kids, rush your dog to the vet, or pick up your mother’s birthday present in an emergency.

Oh and if you still have any cash left after that little lot, some designer wellies which, happily, can be found in TK Maxx cos I’m NOT paying £60 for rubber boots.  Not that kind anyway. 

C’mon – you didn’t think I’d give up muddy walls THAT easily did you?  Life’s a balance, after all…