13 Aug 2012
Every time she is given additional money, a refund, a gift, she adds that to her account too. It has reached a sizable amount now, several thousand pounds at least, and every month she adds a little more. She tells me that, although this has been going on for years, her husband knows nothing about it. She calls it her: “running away fund”.
Since she told me her secret, I have found that at least three other friends do the same. Common themes run through each of their stories. For different reasons, they have all given up a job to raise a family. None of them have an independent income, and all of them had good salaries before they had children. Although they all consented to their current financial arrangements, they all feel very uncomfortable relying on their husbands for money. While the going is good, it’s an easy niggle to put to the back of your mind. But they all feel that, if something goes badly wrong with their marriage, they need some kind of immediate financial independence.
Having been through a divorce a few years ago, I can see their point. I stayed at home to raise children, and was given money every month by my husband. He also dealt with the household bills, expenses, savings and so on. The arrangement worked fine, and he was neither mean nor deceptive about money, so I never had cause to worry.
When our marriage broke down, I saw immediately how vulnerable I was. If he had stopped putting money into my account every month, I would have been in a very difficult position. I could not move out and rent a flat. I could not go to a solicitor and discuss my position. I could not put petrol in the car, take the children out for the day, or get away for a few days break. I could not actually do anything at all. The amount of control that money gives a husband over a wife in that position is frightening. When it came to it my husband behaved properly, and none of these problems arose or were even threatened. I am sure many women are not so lucky.
I think it is this worry that leads so many women to create a secret fund. It seems sad, in many ways, that they should have one eye on the door, and be planning a possible exit. But for so many us, the fear of being totally dependent is one we cannot wholly shake off. A running away fund, however small and unrealistic, gives at least the impression that we are doing something to maintain independence in the face of disaster.
In November last year the Prudential published a study on secret savings. It found that about 15% of people in the UK had them, totalling £4.6 billion. Women were more likely to hide money than men, with just under 20% admitting to having a secret fund. The most commonly cited reason was security in the face of marriage breakdown. It seems that the running away fund is not a new phenomenon at all.
In March this year I got married for the second time. I’m more financially independent this time around, and more involved in the household finances. But still….
