28 Feb 2013
I was amused because they sounded as if they were about to turn a hundred. Finally I started laughing and said in a cheerful tone of voice “I’m sorry, I can’t help laughing! What are you on about! Next year I’m going to be…!” I stopped in mid-sentence, suddenly and unexpectedly overcome by the most intense feeling of vulnerability. Accumulating birthdays had never been an issue. Actually, up until that moment, age had never had anything to do with who I am or with how I perceived myself.
Ever since I left my 37 year old marriage my life has changed beyond my wildest hopes. I’m happy. I feel fulfilled. I feel as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders. My future looks exciting. And yet, at that moment, none of it made any difference to the way I felt.
Sixty sounded so old. The thought that came to me was “I’m entering the last stage of my life” which made no sense at all because, what I was actually entering, was the next phase.
Part of my struggle was that, socially speaking, one’s sixtieth birthday is such an important milestone, especially for women because that was the age when women received their State pension. Many stopped working and were officially declared ‘old’. In fact, the State pension used to be called ‘old age pension’ and people in receipt of that pension were called ‘pensioners’. I also knew that the meaning of the word ‘pensioner’ went beyond the factual interpretation of a person receiving a pension. The word ‘pensioner’ still conjures up someone who no longer makes a contribution to life, who has stopped participating in the world.
I then realized that I didn’t really care about what reaching sixty meant in ‘social’ terms; I was trying to work out what it meant to me personally and, after long reflection, all I could come up with was – nothing.
I have friends of all ages, from 30 all the way to 80-something yet I too, like my two young friends, started wondering if I ‘should’ feel something – I just didn’t know what.
What really mattered to me was not to pretend that I wasn’t growing older; otherwise, I believed, I’d wake up one day and die of shock except I still didn’t know what I meant by ‘not pretending’.
As my 60th birthday began to move closer and closer I noticed that, to my surprise, I was really looking forward to it. I’ve always loved birthdays and this one turned out to be no exception – once I finally got my brain around the whole idea of turning sixty.
Now, in 2013 and at the ripe old age of 68, I’m looking back to where I used to be and where I am today and I can honestly say that my life has become better than I dared hope.
Today I feel comfortable in my own skin. I like who I have become and who I continue to become – because this is an ongoing journey. I like it that I’m willing to keep pushing beyond my comfort zone, that I keep moving into new territory, trying out new things to see if they work for me and then, if they don’t, trying something else instead. I like it that I’m willing to take calculated risks, that I acknowledge and accept it when I feel scared, full of self-doubt or fear yet staying with the feeling instead of pretending I’m in control. That was something that used to be a heavy burden. I like it that I feel able to admit it when I feel vulnerable, try to notice when I let myself down and pedal back without beating myself up – not too much, anyway. I like it that I stopped pretending to have it all together and I also like it that I’m willing to ask for help. Pretending to be a ‘hero’ never did work for me. I’m glad I let that go.
But all this brings up an important question: How did I do that? How did I change my life to such a degree? A lot of the credit must go to my life coach. I could never have achieved a transformation of that magnitude all by myself.
As part of my work with my coach I began to gradually let go of habits, thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours that no longer worked for me, and developing new ones through trial and error.
Eventually, they began to form the basis of a set of principles that are fundamental and profound. Once I became clear about the impact they had on the quality of my life, I put them all together into a formal model called ‘The 10 Life Enhancing Principles’ (LEP™), a model I now use consciously in my life, in my coaching, in my writing and in my talks. I wrote up these principles into an e-book, ‘The 10 Life Enhancing Principles: how to create the life you long for’ which you can download free from my website.
Sue Plumtree
The Life Enhancing Coach
Author of ‘Dancing with the Mask: learning to love and be loved’
Featured on BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’, ‘The Daily Mail’ and ‘The Daily Telegraph’
Tel: 020 8940 7056
Mobile: 07903 795027
Email: sue@sueplumtree.com
Twitter: @sueplumtree
