Author: Liz Dawes
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I once knew a Doberman who was an excellent judge of character

Rarely did she take against someone, but when she did there was no going back.  The bell would ring, and she would sit in front of her owner as the door opened, ears pricked and back straight.  Each time the offender attempted to move into the house she would curl her lip, flash her teeth and emit a low growl.  Nothing could persuade her to allow them in and amazingly she was never wrong. Anyone who got the face from Demelza the Dobe turned out to be a bad ‘un. Best of all, she provided early detection of at least two dodgy boyfriends, saving her owner a great deal of heartache.

Relaying this story to friends over dinner, we got to wondering: who can get away with telling you that your partner is a pillock?  Statistics for divorce are on the rise (42% of marriages ended in divorce in 2013) so we clearly need to be told, but by whom?

More than once a friend has confessed that they never really liked an ex-partner of mine, they just hadn’t told me.  One friend relayed to me, after I broke up with him, that she’d taken against my boyfriend months earlier after he played a “practical joke” that involved coming out of her toilet with his trousers down and pretending he had run out of loo paper.  She confided this horror to our mutual friend, who sheepishly admitted that he’d done the same at her house. Apparently it was his party piece.  I was long enough out of the relationship to be doubled over with laughter but I did also splutter: “Why did nobody TELL me!”

Trouble is…..what would I have done if they had?  They are both good friends, whose judgement I trust, so it’s easy to say now that I would have listened; but we are peculiarly loyal to our partners.  It’s a universal experience that only with hindsight are we prepared to accept they might actually have been an utter wazzock.

To test this theory, we went through the categories.  Clearly if your parents tell you your BF is an idiot you will marry him as soon as possible.  Friends are accused of trouble-making and spoiling your fun with their selfish pickiness.  Ok so he might seem a little boring/controlling/attention-seeking but they have no idea how sweet he is in private.  Best friends are accused of jealousy, male friends of secret crushes, and siblings of being snobby and judgemental. Acquaintances don’t know either of you well enough to comment, your boss has no business making inappropriate comments about your private life, and the barmaid always says that about people she fancies.  Try as we might, we could not agree on one single person we would take seriously if faced with their warning that our BF was no good.

When it comes to one’s partner, it would seem that we lose all perspective, and are not prepared to listen to anyone whose views on life we would otherwise trust.

Basically, if you don’t have a mind-reading guard dog, you’re doomed

You could try reading this Liz #JustSaying Tracey x