Author: Liz Dawes
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“Selfie” has been named word of the year by the Oxford English Dictionary

Last year it was omnishambles.  The year before: “squeezed middle” (phrases are allowed too).  But why do we feel the need for new words every year?  I know I’m in danger of sounding like a Grumpy Old Woman, but we already have a plethora of ancient and fabulous words that we no longer use.  Words that could not be more pertinent.  In these days of recycling and making do, it’s about time we brought some back.

For example, there is no political climate more in need of “aeolist” (pompous windy bore who pretends to have inspiration); “blandiloquent”(speaking in an ingratiating manner) and “ultracrepidarian” (one who offers an opinion beyond his expertise).  Neither can it be denied that Osborne is practising dactylonomy (counting with your fingers) and Clegg is in a dreadful mulligrubs (state of low spirits).                                                         

Meantime, imagine how much more interesting a conversation in the pub would be if blokes discussed their ximelolagnia  (urge to stare at a woman sitting with crossed legs), apodyopsis (act of mentally undressing someone) or the barmaid’s gowpen (double handful).  A builder’s lusty comment could become “cor, she’s a bit callipygean” (having well-shaped buttocks) which is so much more elegant than “nice arse”, I’m sure you’ll agree.

You may want to point out at this stage that modern technology requires new vocabulary but I disagree.  Vast swathes of Facebook and Instagram users are just autohagiographers (speak in a smug fashion about their life and accomplishments), twitter users are all quidnuncs (always want to know what is going on) and most of the technology in my house is at best bletcherous (poorly or disgustingly designed).  Nothing new there.

Modern language often arises from our belief that we simply do not have time to speak a whole sentence, causing bastard compounds like “chillax”.  This practice would soon be extinct if we took the time to learn a few old words capable of replacing entire phrases, and thus saving precious seconds.  Rather than explaining that your husband sticks wrongly and stubbornly to his old ways, simply tell us he suffers with mumpsimus.  Why waste time throwing stuff out of a window when you can just defenestrate?  And wouldn’t you rather avoid being an idle spectator when you could be a gongoozler?  In the unlikely event you’ll need to explain, at speed, that you blinded someone by holding a copper basin too close to their eyes, the word you are looking for is “abacinate”.

I remain hopeful that this time next year the OED will be announcing their vintage word of the year, alongside a new one.  Until then, I’m off to try some more adoxography.

You’ll have to look that one up.