Author: Liz Dawes
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I’ve lost weight recently 

It’s not something I planned to do, but however it’s happened, people have noticed and been complimentary.  

I haven’t been very good at accepting compliments in the past; I tend to find them embarrassing.  I squirm and blush, and then I belittle whatever it is that’s being commented on in an: “It was nothing; What this old thing?  I’m actually wearing spanx!” kind of way.  

Of course the British are notoriously bad at accepting compliments but I think for many women it’s more than that.  At the risk of sounding like I’m stereotyping based on gender, I think it might be to do with self-esteem.

I often used to think that someone was either trying to flatter, or was feeling sorry for me and trying to cheer me up.  At my worst I would be suspicious of their motives and think they couldn’t possibly mean it; they must be after something.  On the rare occasion I thought a compliment was valid I would immediately worry that I must respond in a modest or self-effacing manner, in case I came across as arrogant.  A quick poll of my friends shows that this is a common feeling.

One of the great things about getting older is becoming more confident.  I’ve found that having a family, and seeing my children do things that really are amazing and really do deserve praise has somehow made it easier for me to agree that maybe some of what I have done is worth a comment or two.  After all, I can’t teach them that we all have talents and deserve praise if I won’t accept that about myself.  It’s not that I expect a round of applause every time I walk into the room (although please don’t let me stop you…..)  It’s more that I’m old enough now to know both my faults and my good points and to accept that whenever I do something well, it’s because I worked hard and I’m good at it.  I am allowed to take the credit.

It’s a cliché that older women have more confidence than the young, and perhaps it’s not true for all of us.  But for me it’s one of the happy things about getting older.  I may not be drunkenly yelling out “I am what I am” at my work’s karaoke night, but I do think I’m better at accepting praise.

Now, when I am complimented, I can just say “thank you”.  And then I stop talking. Turns out that this is a more than adequate response.   

I can’t think now why all the blushing and squirming was necessary