I’ve always thought it would be fun to be a headline writer. 

Sure, the tabloids can often come up with some awful puns, but there are some brilliant ones too.  I remember seeing: “American War Wolf in London” during a trip by Donald Rumsfeld just before the Iraq war.  It was a really clever quip and perfect for the mood.  And then yesterday I was scrolling through the BBC news website when I saw: “Humberside Police Catch Yoghurt Eating Lorry Driver” and when I stopped laughing I was reminded of some of my absolute favourite silly headlines.  So here they are.  Enjoy!

1. Man Falls Off Bicycle! Was seen by my friend in the Isle of Wight, where it was clearly a very slow news day.

2. Dead Man Found in Graveyard adorned the front of the Welwyn and Hatfield Times.  Not so much a slow news days as a no-news-at-all day.

3. Horny Herd Munches Marsh was found in the Whitstable Times.  I think it was about livestock, though I was secretly hoping for a perverted Kim Marsh scoop.

4. Curry Cat Murder – Latest came straight from the South London Press.  I didn’t read on, but I wish I had! Was the cat murdered and curried?  Was curried cat fed to its owner who then discovered the truth and took murderous revenge?  EastEnders plot writers take note….

5. Waterford boy, 8, saves sister’s life appeared in several papers in the US last year, but only one, in Arizona, ran with the fabulous sub-title: “I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week.”

6. “Magnetic” boy is probably just “plump and sticky” was the Daily Telegraph headline, clearly not impressed by a six year old Croatian child who was able to mysteriously adhere cutlery to his upper body.

But the headline to beat from this year is the one tweeted by Stephen Fry on 13th April.  He doesn’t say from which newspaper, sadly, so I can’t tell you the whole story.  But perhaps I don’t need to:

“Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar”.